Day 51....

Today is Day 51. For 51 days I have been tracking what I eat and exercising every day. For 51 days I have been watching out for myself. I have been taking my meds, tracking my blood sugars working on being a better me.

You would think after 51 days I would have this whole thing down to a science. I would be happy and excited and proud. I'm finding that is not the case.

I'm frustrated. Why isn't the weight coming off as fast as it went on? I work out every day - sometimes the entire hour, sometimes 30 minutes. While I am down overall by 16 pounds, I can't see it. I don't know why I think I need validation - someone, anyone to say that they can see it.

I am at the point in my couch to 5K program where it is all running. Running between 25 and 35 minutes. I can make it 20, but I'm having issues getting past that. I know I have never run before so this should be expected but I don't like it. It was a nice day on Sunday so I went up to the track to run outdoors. "This is going to be great" I thought. "I can run at least a mile" I thought. Well, I was mistakin'!! Running outside is totally different than running inside. I made the it 5K/3.1 miles but I wasn't happy about it. I was so upset when I got home. How the hell am I going to run a 5K. What business do I have even signing up for one? Who am I kidding?

On top of that, somehow I had gained a little weight. That just about did me in. I can dish out the advice - you know the "don't worry about the scale" the "every day is different" the "keep it up, the weight will come off" but I guess I don't do a good job of taking the advice.

I'm done total. 16 pounds is a lot. I know this. I want more. I know I'm not as strict as when I started but I'm always under where I want to be and this is going to be more my lifestyle.

I don't know - I guess it's just venting. I know it will be fine. I'll make it through my 5K. If I don't run it, that's okay too. I'll make it and hopefully I won't be the last one to finish....