Day 73...part 2

Nothing like a lunch with your besties to get you back on track.

The best thing about good friends is their ability to tell you what you need to hear in a productive way. I always say...it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it. Friends just know - they know you well enough to present the information in a way that will get you to understand. They won't say, "Get over yourself" they will say, "Have you thought about it this way?" Friends know what you need. Friends seem to have the ability to call, out of the blue, because they think you might need them.

Feeling bad for yourself is not productive. I've learned that the hard way.

Staying positive is a challenge - one that I think I'm for.

I'm going to get over my damn self. My words. Not my friends' words.

Day 73...

It's been an interesting week....

I've been trying to stay on course, but I've notcied I've been a little lax with my eating habits. I've kept up with my exercise which is probably why I'm not seeing any changes - it is an even exchange.

I need to step it up.

I did learn something about myself - I am now handeling stress different. In the past, I would have delt with it with food...chocolate, beer, you name it. I'm not doing that anymore. I know it is good I'm not, but I haven't really found an outlet to release it...

I'm working on myself...trying not to be too sensitive, trying not to be "jr high-ish" as I call it. Trying not to take things personally. Trying not to get my feelings hurt. It's hard though. I have a friend that is doing some meditation. Maybe that's something I should try. Something to calm me the f*ck down. Something to help me realize that I need to take care of #1, I shouldn't care what people think, I shouldn't be surprised what people do. It's just easier said than done. Maybe I am that person. The one that talks too much. The one that doesn't listen. The one that people don't really want to be around...After all, I am blogging about myself - what does that say. I have an online diary. Seriously. I can't be the only people that thinks this way can I?

My 5K is in 24 days. I'm getting nervous and excited. I ran outside last Friday and did pretty good. I'm going to try running outside again tonight. Not giving up, that's what is getting me through the day....that and my wonderful husband

"Stay, Stay, Stay...I've being loving you for quite some time, time, time. You think that it's funny when I'm mad, mad, mad. But I think that it's best if we both stay."

Day 63....

Well....I am doing MUCH better than the last time I posted! I know that everyone goes though a rough patch...I was just going through mine.

Tonight I will be starting my last week of the Couch to 5K program. Yep - I've been at it for 9 weeks. I never thought that when I started back on January 11th I would make it. I never thought I would be able to run/jog for 28 minutes IN A ROW! Tonight I will try to run/jog for 30 minutes and then I will try to jog an entire 5K.

My husband, my nephew and my nephew's girlfriend will be running the 5K also. I think I was better when I was running it without family present - but I can't be afraid. My goal is to run the entire thing and not finish last!

I have hit the 20lb mark. I was going to buy myself a new sweatshirt, but I have been spending money like it grows on tree, so I'm counting the new jeans I bought (the first ones without a "W" after the number) and new running pants toward this one. I still think at 25 lbs I'm going to buy a new pair of shoes. Not sure if they will be running shoes or boots or fun shoes.

I have been a little lax in my habits the last few weeks. I'm still losing which I like - it's nice to know I can do (and by do - I mean eat and drink) what I want - but I'm able to scale it down and by exercising every day (I haven't missed a day since I started this journey on January 1) it seems to even everything out. I want to get back in the habit of bringing my lunch. I just need to not be lazy in that department. How can I exercise every day but not put my shoes in the closest or my clothes away or pack my lunch. I need to be better about that.

I've been a little stressed at work which doesn't help - but at least I'm not turning to food. I feel better after working out so for now, that seems to work. I was going to have to travel this week but because of the weather, I'm staying put. This is going to help - I hope!!

Well...day 63...21 lbs lost...19 to my first goal weight - and my goal date is 4/30....over 1/2 way there.

Day 51....

Today is Day 51. For 51 days I have been tracking what I eat and exercising every day. For 51 days I have been watching out for myself. I have been taking my meds, tracking my blood sugars working on being a better me.

You would think after 51 days I would have this whole thing down to a science. I would be happy and excited and proud. I'm finding that is not the case.

I'm frustrated. Why isn't the weight coming off as fast as it went on? I work out every day - sometimes the entire hour, sometimes 30 minutes. While I am down overall by 16 pounds, I can't see it. I don't know why I think I need validation - someone, anyone to say that they can see it.

I am at the point in my couch to 5K program where it is all running. Running between 25 and 35 minutes. I can make it 20, but I'm having issues getting past that. I know I have never run before so this should be expected but I don't like it. It was a nice day on Sunday so I went up to the track to run outdoors. "This is going to be great" I thought. "I can run at least a mile" I thought. Well, I was mistakin'!! Running outside is totally different than running inside. I made the it 5K/3.1 miles but I wasn't happy about it. I was so upset when I got home. How the hell am I going to run a 5K. What business do I have even signing up for one? Who am I kidding?

On top of that, somehow I had gained a little weight. That just about did me in. I can dish out the advice - you know the "don't worry about the scale" the "every day is different" the "keep it up, the weight will come off" but I guess I don't do a good job of taking the advice.

I'm done total. 16 pounds is a lot. I know this. I want more. I know I'm not as strict as when I started but I'm always under where I want to be and this is going to be more my lifestyle.

I don't know - I guess it's just venting. I know it will be fine. I'll make it through my 5K. If I don't run it, that's okay too. I'll make it and hopefully I won't be the last one to finish....

Day...36

It was a lot easier to count the days in January. Math, not one of my strong suits!

So here I am, day 36 and I have had a few small successes...

1) I took off my wedding ring. Okay - I realize that this doesn't sound like a success. But, when you haven't been able to take off your wedding ring for almost a year, it is a success! I needed to get a small stone replaced and it cleaned. I haven't been able to do that because I couldn't get it off my fat finger. So, here I am, ring-less, but happy knowing it is in the shop getting fixed!

2) Today at lunch I tried on a pair of size 18 jeans that did not have a "W" beside it. And guess what - they fit. I'm not sure all jeans at all stores will fit the same, but two different pairs, at a 'normal' store without a "W" after the size fit me. I didn't buy them (I really didn't like them that much) but I wanted to see if they would fit. And they did.

The last few days have been a struggle. Not sure why...I guess I just want too much too soon. I think I'm making progress and then I see a picture and it doesn't look like my mind thinks it should look. I know it takes time, I know this but for whatever reason, I'm not buying into it. So while I have my small victories, I still feel crappy.

I am still planning my meals - I'll be eating out a lot this week, just how it is working out, but I'm making healthy choices. This morning I changed up my exercise and did 30 minutes of Just Dance. Yikes - my arms are killing me! I guess I don't do much with my arms on the treadmill or the bike. Yep, I was up exercising before work. I'll do that again tomorrow and Friday as I have meetings and activities after work. I must be in my routine, because the thought of missing a workout stresses me out. I think that is a good thing.

So, I'm making it through Day 36....only 61 more days until my 5K.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Day 31....

Well, I made it to the end of the month. Day 31. I've actually stuck with something for 31 days. I can honestly say that I'm surprised. When I started my journey, I didn't think I would stick with it. I never have before - why would this time be any different? Well, this time I started blogging, I joined a 'support' group of sorts, I exercise every day and I keep track of everything I eat.

I'm not giving up anything - I'm just making better choices. I went to a restaurant for lunch - instead of 12 boneless wings, I had a grilled chicken salad. Now I admit, it wasn't the same, but it was just as good.

Today was Day 1 of Week 4 of the couch to 5k program. I actually 'ran' for 5 minutes straight two times. Now, I'm not fast, but I'm okay with that. I signed up for my first 5k on April 7th. Only 66 more days to get ready. I feel good about it but I am also scared as hell.

I'm down almost 12 pounds. I had routine blood work done last week and my doctor took me off one of my meds already. That was just with 25 days of not being stupid. I really hope in the months to come I will be able to delete several of my other ones. My hubby said that he can tell that I've lost weight in my neck. Not what every girl wants to hear, but it's better than nothing. I can't tell when I look at myself. I can only go by the scale, which isn't always the best measure, but it's what I do! That's not true - I know I must be losing some weight because I was able to get one of my rings off that I haven't been able to get off for 6 months because it was stuck. Now, I shouldn't want to take off my engagement ring, but it's nice to know that it's now an option. I still can't get off my wedding ring, which again, I know I shouldn't want to, but it needs to be cleaned and I haven't been able to do that because it won't come off my pudgy little finger. Once I can get that ring off, I'm having a party!!

I did hit my 2nd mini goal (another 5 pounds) so I bought myself two charms for my bracelet. My next goal (another 5 pounds) will result in getting my nails done! After that will be a new baseball sweatshirt of my favorite team (Go Braves) and then a new pair of boots. Once I get to the sweatshirt, I will set more goals.

I traveled yesterday for work. It was hard - it is hard when you work in the pizza industry. I kept it in check which I am proud of. My test will be when I have an overnight trip. I will just make sure that the hotel I stay in has a gym which is not something I normally do.

I'm proud of myself, but not too much. I still have days when I'm a little down, but I try and list the positives in my life. Sometimes that is easier said than done!

I made it 31 days...next up - the 28 days of February!

Day 22...

Well, I made it to Day 22.

I'm sticking to my plan. I'm eating better, drinking water, exercising and most of the time I feel pretty darn good. I was down another pound yesterday. My goal is a pound a week and so far I've actually surpassed it.

Challenges from the weekend include....
1) Eating - I ate fast food twice, at a pizza place once and a bar and grill once. I made great choices so I did prove to myself that I can eat out and still stay on track.
2) Drinking - I had 'a few' beers Friday night but only one on Saturday. I did prove to myself that I can go out and have a good time without drinking!
3) Exercise - Actually, this wasn't a challenge. I worked out Friday morning before work, I took a walk with my niece in the beautiful weather on Saturday afternoon and worked out when I got home on Sunday.

Funny story about Sunday - before we left 'down home' to go home my hubby asked if we were going to fight over the treadmill. I told him he could have it first while I went to the store. I'm so happy that he knew that I would want to exercise and while he never puts any pressure on me to do anything, I'm so happy that he is encouraging me in his special way.

Tonight is the end of week 2 of my couch to 5K program. I was watching The Biggest Loser on TV last night, a show that I normally do not watch, and the participants were running a 5k. It was inspiring to me. I know that I can do it!

As I'm eating my lunch at my desk, I am getting ready to do the one thing that I dread the most - going to the dentist. I hate the dentist. I have a phobia of teeth. I know it's weird. I can't stand to look at teeth. I can't stand to watch anyone brush his/her teeth and I do not want anyone to watch me brush my teeth. I don't like to watch anything to do with teeth on TV. I have yet to see one story line on TV or a Movie that has to do with brushing teeth that is instrumental to the story line. NO ONE CARES! I do have a dentist that I actually like. In the past 8 years, the place I used to go, changed dentist four times. Just when I sort of got used to one, they left. I just couldn't do it anymore. There is a young gal that I know that is a dentist. I finally got the nerve to go to her. I know that she's not going anywhere. She is married, has a family and her extended family is here. Last time was the first time that she personally didn't clean my teeth. She asked if I was ready for a hygienist to clean them. I told her I thought I was. It went pretty good - only a few tears.

My goal is no tears this afternoon...I think I can, I think I can.

Until next time....

Day 17...

It is Day 17....17 days since I started the healthier me program. I'll be honest, it's be tough at time, but I am still going strong! I have exercised every day. I have started the couch to 5k program. I'll be starting my 2nd week tomorrow. I actually got up before work and run/walked yesterday because I had a meeting Tuesday night. I'll be spending this weekend with my sister, so I'll work out early tomorrow.

This weekend will be a challenge. I'm going to try very hard not to fall into my some routine. My sister and I love to have some adult beverages. I did have a trial run last weekend. I was at my favorite establishment Saturday and Sunday and only had 3 beers between the two days. To be honest, it wasn't as tough as I thought it would be. I still had my BLT on Saturday (no mayo) but I had a salad instead of fries. On Sunday I had a grilled chicken salad. I had several diet sodas - which I know really aren't the healthiest option, but it worked. So anyway, I will be down home for two nights but I know I'll be fine. I asked my mom if the treadmill was up and running at her apartment. She said I would need to clear it off...I think I can do that.

My eating has been good, so far I'm keeping up with my exercise and I'm saving a butt load of money - bringing my lunch everyday combined with no alcohol does wonders!

I decided with every 5 pounds I lose, I will do something special for myself. I hit the first 5 pound mark on Monday so today I went and bought a scarf. Something I normally wouldn't buy for myself, but I thought I would branch out! I ended up buying a few more things, but I don't feel guilty about it! After the next 5 I'm going to buy a couple new charms for my bracelet. On deck is getting my nails done and a new sweatshirt.

I went from talking about my challenges/goals, to not so much. I wonder if people want to hear about it. Am I being obsessive? Am I THAT person - the one that people roll their eyes at when I talk about my change of habits? I'm proud of myself, but I may just share it on here and with my hubby who is super supportive without putting a lot of pressure on me. He now says things like, "We can watch our show after you walk if you want." He knows that has become part of my routine!

I have "cooked" more - this week was tacos on Monday and sloppy joe's on Wednesday. I know it's not much, but for me, it's a big deal. Tonight I'm in the mood for cereal! I would eat cereal for every meal. I love it. Although I have stopped with the chocolate flavored and moved to toastee-o's!

Until next time! Happy 17 days!!

Day 11...

Today is Day 11 in my "the new me" transformation. It's been going pretty good. I've been using a website to track my eating and exercise. I've 'met' a group of great people that are encouraging - which is nice.

Last night it was a dine out night for a birthday. I knew exactly what I was going to have when I get there. I was asked if I was trying to be healthy - I said yes and left it at that. I don't want to make a big deal about it. I want to be healthy and move on. I knew I was going to be over a smidge so when I got home I did a small work out - 20 minutes walking and 20 minutes on the bike. I didn't have any bread at supper and I didn't have any of the desserts that were ordered. At some point I know I will be able to have a bite of this or that, but right now I just can't.

I made a HUGE mistake this morning by getting on that damn scale. I was up a pound from yesterday. I know all the pitfalls regarding weighing yourself every day but I can't help it. I need to know where I am. So, I'm going to work a little harder today. Make sure I get all of my water in. I have been doing pretty good for the last 11 days. This is when I fall down - up a pound?? screw it - I'm eating whatever the hell I want and drinking whatever the hell I want. Well - I'm trying very hard NOT to fall down.

I'm heading out for lunch with a good friend. I know where I am going and what I am going to have. There are lots of good choices where I'm going. I know I can do this!

My normal routine on Saturdays is to go to the movie and then to my favorite bar and grill for lunch. I'm not going to stop doing what I like, but I'm just going to change it up a little bit. I CAN go to the movies with getting a medium popcorn. Maybe I get a small one or maybe (shocker) I skip the popcorn! When I get to my favorite bar and grill to watch the football game, I don't have my favorite adult beverage - I have a diet soda. I did prove to myself that I can go there and not have 6 beers. If I thought I could have one, I might do that, but I'm not quite there yet. And maybe I skip the fries and have a salad - I have found that I actually enjoy having a salad.

On the website when I track my stuff, I joined a 'group' with the weight loss goal of a pound a week. The first week I lost 4.1 - but when you go from nothing to something, it's not that hard. This week hasn't been as easy - but it's a marathon, not a sprint - right?

One Small Step...

I had a few more small steps in the journey (or is it a journey) to become a better version of me...

1) I went to my favorite establishment on Saturday night with my hubby. We went to have supper and watch the game. The place was packed and we sat at the bar - our favorite place to sit. I ordered a diet soda! I'm still cutting back on my beers...and you know what - I had a great time. Plus - my hubby was able to partake in a few beverages (which he normally doesn't do) and I drove home!

2) I went out to lunch today with a couple friends and made smart choices. Sometimes I feel that I talk about it too much, but I'm excited that I'm actually following through with something and I want to share!

3) I've exercised 7 days in a row. It's walking and riding the bike but it is way more that I was doing.

4) The scale actually showed some progress when I stepped on it Monday morning. I know that you can't live and die by the scale, but for me, I kind of do. I do step on it every day. I need to know where I am. It's what I need to do.

I'm excited for a date night with the hubby tonight. We're going to our local college basketball game. Once again, I will be having a hot dog because I want to and I've been planning on it! I'm drinking a lot of water which I know is helping.

Thanks for the support - yes, I'm thanking this blog because it's been a great source of support to me. It's the little things!!

A Small Victory...

Last night was a small victory....

1) No alcohol at supper
2) No croutons on my salad
3) No bread
4) Half of my EXCELLENT ribeye steak
5) A little bit of butter on my baked potato

Last year, hell, even last week, I would have had a few beers, loaded my salad with croutons, ate a whole loaf of the bread, had all of my steak and loaded up my baked potato. Well - I would have still ordered the potato without sour cream - I hate sour cream :)

All of that and I got in my walking when I got home.

I know it's only Day 3 - but it's the best three days I've had in a long time!

Upcoming challenges: Movies tomorrow (can I limited my popcorn intake??), basketball game tomorrow afternoon (I am working a hot dog into my eating plan - what is a basketball game without a hot dog???)

I think I can, I'm pretty sure I can, I KNOW I CAN!!

Look Who Is Back....

Yep - I'm back. It's a new year and a new me. I make the same promises to myself all the time. I'm going to write everyday, I'm going to eat right, exercise more, spend less time on the computer and more time doing what I love. I love to read, write and scrapbook but at the end of the day, I find myself in front of the computer playing games and looking at food I will never make and crafts that I will never do.

January 1st - I hate to change my ways on January 1st but it just worked out that way. Maybe I'm thinking a clean slate - start doing something different. I was trying to think of a way to make myself accountable for my actions. How was I going to do this? Then it hit me just a few moments ago, between trying to get projects done for work, blog it - write it down. This is when I feel my best - when I am writing. I can express my feelings and hold my self accountable. Even if I am the only one that reads this....I have to believe that this is going to help.

After my yearly trip to Denver, I came back already knowing that I need to change my ways. Not just to lose weight but to feel better and be healthy. I wasn't even going to step on the scale until I had a week or so under my belt but then I decided that I needed to know where I started to help shape where I am going.  Holy crap was I in for a shock. After a lot of tears and tearing myself up, I realized there was nothing I could do to change the past - I just needed to move forward.

Okay - so it's only been two and a half days, but so far, so good. I'm trying not to let food be in my every thought, although I'm spending more time deciding what I want to eat, when I'm going to eat it and how to arrange my schedule to make sure that I get my walking in.

My first true test is going to be tonight. I am heading to supper with some co-workers as one of the VP's always takes us out for Christmas. It's a steak house that I have heard a lot of great things about, but I've never been to. I was with the two co-workers that I am going with and told them that I wasn't planning on having any alcohol at supper. I wanted to nip this as I'm the one that always happy to have a cocktail! When one of the co-workers asked why - I told her I was preggo. The look on her face was priceless and I thought she was going to faint, so I quickly told her that I was kidding! I explained that I wanted to eat better and be healthy and one of the things I was cutting back on was the cocktails. Now, I'm not going to give up my 'beverages' totally but I am going to be smarter about it. I decided I'm not going to to deprive myself on what I want (Ribeye) but I am going to only eat half of it. Deciding what I want to do ahead of time is key for me.

I have always been careful when sharing my healthy goals with others. Why would I tell anyone? I'm going to fail so why share this information? This time, I shared and you know what happened? Two of my co-workers went to lunch and over lunch they visited my favorite cupcake place. I saw co-worker #1 with the cupcake box. I said, "Whats ya got there?" and she said that co-worker #2 told her that they couldn't show me or sabotage me. I looked in the box and my favorite cupcake was in there. Co-Worker #2 came over later and I thanked her for not buying me one. She said, "It was really hard not to." A part of me REALLY wanted that cupcake but the other part of me won that small battle!

So tonight, while I drink my water, have my ribeye and know that I am going to walk when I get home, I'm going to feel just a little bit better about myself!