Day 51....

Today is Day 51. For 51 days I have been tracking what I eat and exercising every day. For 51 days I have been watching out for myself. I have been taking my meds, tracking my blood sugars working on being a better me.

You would think after 51 days I would have this whole thing down to a science. I would be happy and excited and proud. I'm finding that is not the case.

I'm frustrated. Why isn't the weight coming off as fast as it went on? I work out every day - sometimes the entire hour, sometimes 30 minutes. While I am down overall by 16 pounds, I can't see it. I don't know why I think I need validation - someone, anyone to say that they can see it.

I am at the point in my couch to 5K program where it is all running. Running between 25 and 35 minutes. I can make it 20, but I'm having issues getting past that. I know I have never run before so this should be expected but I don't like it. It was a nice day on Sunday so I went up to the track to run outdoors. "This is going to be great" I thought. "I can run at least a mile" I thought. Well, I was mistakin'!! Running outside is totally different than running inside. I made the it 5K/3.1 miles but I wasn't happy about it. I was so upset when I got home. How the hell am I going to run a 5K. What business do I have even signing up for one? Who am I kidding?

On top of that, somehow I had gained a little weight. That just about did me in. I can dish out the advice - you know the "don't worry about the scale" the "every day is different" the "keep it up, the weight will come off" but I guess I don't do a good job of taking the advice.

I'm done total. 16 pounds is a lot. I know this. I want more. I know I'm not as strict as when I started but I'm always under where I want to be and this is going to be more my lifestyle.

I don't know - I guess it's just venting. I know it will be fine. I'll make it through my 5K. If I don't run it, that's okay too. I'll make it and hopefully I won't be the last one to finish....

Day...36

It was a lot easier to count the days in January. Math, not one of my strong suits!

So here I am, day 36 and I have had a few small successes...

1) I took off my wedding ring. Okay - I realize that this doesn't sound like a success. But, when you haven't been able to take off your wedding ring for almost a year, it is a success! I needed to get a small stone replaced and it cleaned. I haven't been able to do that because I couldn't get it off my fat finger. So, here I am, ring-less, but happy knowing it is in the shop getting fixed!

2) Today at lunch I tried on a pair of size 18 jeans that did not have a "W" beside it. And guess what - they fit. I'm not sure all jeans at all stores will fit the same, but two different pairs, at a 'normal' store without a "W" after the size fit me. I didn't buy them (I really didn't like them that much) but I wanted to see if they would fit. And they did.

The last few days have been a struggle. Not sure why...I guess I just want too much too soon. I think I'm making progress and then I see a picture and it doesn't look like my mind thinks it should look. I know it takes time, I know this but for whatever reason, I'm not buying into it. So while I have my small victories, I still feel crappy.

I am still planning my meals - I'll be eating out a lot this week, just how it is working out, but I'm making healthy choices. This morning I changed up my exercise and did 30 minutes of Just Dance. Yikes - my arms are killing me! I guess I don't do much with my arms on the treadmill or the bike. Yep, I was up exercising before work. I'll do that again tomorrow and Friday as I have meetings and activities after work. I must be in my routine, because the thought of missing a workout stresses me out. I think that is a good thing.

So, I'm making it through Day 36....only 61 more days until my 5K.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.